Vampires
by MobBob
Summary: One-Shot: Beca tells Chloe about her annoyance with the trend of vampire films.


"I just don't get the thing with vampires." Beca stooped over to tie her shoes. "I mean I can't watch Twilight."

"You can't really watch any movie," said Chloe.

"True," said Beca. "But this vampire thing is still weird. Look at Batman. Why does everyone think he's awesome? He's easily the most boring superhero out there."

"Batman isn't a vampire," said Chloe.

"He isn't? I'm pretty sure he was." Beca got up. Just then Stacie walked by the two. "Hey Stacie, is Batman a vampire?"

"Well he does display many of the classical vampire traits," said Stacie. "He dresses in all black, he only comes out at night, and he puts on a charming persona to mask his secret."

"Yeah but he doesn't go around drinking people's blood," said Chloe. "I thought that was the most important criteria for vampires?"

"So, does that mean the Count isn't a vampire?" said Stacie.

"Who's the Count?" said Beca.

"You know, the Count from Sesame Street," said Stacie.

"I didn't watch Sesame Street," said Beca.

Both Stacie and Chloe stared at Beca, jaws dropped. "You didn't watch Sesame Street," said Chloe. "What kind of childhood did you have?"

"One that wasn't spent in front of the TV," said Beca.

"Fair enough," said Chloe. "But who hasn't seen Sesame Street?"

"Me, apparently," said Beca.

"I guess so." Chloe turned back to Stacie. "Back to the Count, they obviously couldn't show the Count drinking blood on a kids show."

"Yeah, but do you think he drinks blood off-screen or anything?" said Stacie. "I mean, why do you think he's got those fangs?"

"Again, it's a kids show," said Chloe. "Those fangs are just decorative."

"Out of curiosity." Beca looked at her watch. "Why is there a vampire on a kids show?"

"He teaches kids how to count," said Stacie. "That's why he's called the Count."

"What do vampires have to do with counting?" said Beca.

"It's a pun," said Chloe. "You know how all vampires have to be Counts."

"Still, who needs a bloodsucking monster to teach their kids math?" said Beca.

Chloe sighed. "Okay, do we need to sit you down and force you to watch the show?"

"Oh, that sounds fun," said Stacie.

"No," said Beca. "I'm not gonna watch a kids show just so I can understand the logistics of a vampire that teaches math."

* * *

That night Beca came over to Chloe's apartment to watch Sesame Street on Netflix. After one episode Chloe asked Beca what she thought.

"Jesus," said Beca. "That was terrifying."

"What?" said Chloe.

"I mean for kids," said Beca. "Those puppets-"

"Muppets," said Stacie through a mouthful of popcorn.

"Those Muppets would give kids nightmares," said Beca. "There's a giant yellow bird with a messed up head, a hairy elephant that sounds like a stone, and some horned monsters with noses that honk. If I was a kid I'd be scared."

"Then you must scare really easy," said Chloe.

"I do not," said Beca.

Stacie got behind Beca and shouted, "Boo!"

Beca jumped. "See," said Chloe.

"Okay fine." Beca rolled her eyes. "Still, some kids would probably be scared of Sesame Street."

"Yeah, I suppose," said Chloe.

"I mean, who's idea was it to use a vampire to teach kids how to count?" said Beca.

"Jim Hensen," said Stacie.

"Who's he?" said Beca.

"He's the guy who created the Muppets," Stacie and Chloe both said in unison.

"Look, if I haven't watched Sesame Street, I probably haven't heard of the Muppets," said Beca. "What are the Muppets."

"The Muppets are awesome," said Stacie.

"They're giant puppets," said Chloe. "Just like the ones in Sesame Street."

"Do I have to watch the Muppets now?" said Beca.

"Not if you don't want to," said Chloe.

"No," said Beca. "I'll watch the Muppets. I want to see what I missed as a child."

"Okay." Chloe flipped through the movie selection. "Let's see...do you want to see The Muppets Take Manhattan?

"No," said Stacie. "Watch The Muppet Movie. The original one, not the new one."

"I'm up for anything." Beca got up from the coach. "I'll get some popcorn while you decide on something."


End file.
